This is a list of things I want to do real real bad:
1. Muddy Buddy Ride & Run: You, a buddy, a bike, 7 miles, 5 obstacles, 1 huge Mud Pit. One buddy starts on the velo, the other on foot. The biker gets to the first obstacle (big rope wall net thingy, huge inflatable slide thingy, balance beam, something of that ilk), hops off the bike, goes over/under/through/around&about the obstacle, a d starts running to the next obstacle. The runner gets to the first obstacle, goes over/under, etc. finds the bike their buddy left, and pedals to the next obstacle. You and your buddy leapfrog like this, alternating running/riding to the next obstacle until you get to the infamous Mud Pit at the end of the course. If one buddy gets there before the other, they have to wait in the Buddy Holding Area until their compadre catches up and then the two buddies crawl/slither/backstroke through 30 feet of mud and across the finish line as official Muddy Buddies.
Check out this vid of 2010 highlights.
Tell me that doesn’t look like the funnest, dirtiest, greatest party you’ve ever been to? They have them in big cities across the U.S. but the closest one to Bellingham is in Portland. I may have to start a movement to bring it to Bellingham. It would be huge, no question. Put together the mountain bikers, the cyclocrossers, and the trail runners and that’s already about 40% of the entire population of Bellingham guaranteed to be STOKED on a Muddy Buddy race. The other 60% would probably be down, too. It’s that kind of town.
2. XTERRA: the “original” off-road triathlon. 1.5 km Swim, 30 km Mountain Bike, 11 km Trail Run. It’s a global thing, kind of like the Ironman, so there are races all over the world- Brazil, Germany, Switzerland, and Saigon, as well as tons of regional races in the U.S. Most of them seem to be in Colorado and there are a lot in Georgia and Alabama, but there are a few in Oregon and one in Seattle. A couple of years ago there was one in the Black Diamond/Covington area, but I don’t know if that’s still happening. Of course, there is always that one teensy thing about tris that always gets in the way– the whole swimming thing. I’m pretty sure my breast stroke/backstroke/float a little bit/sidestroke/float some more/repeat medley wouldn’t serve me so hotsy tots in a field of seasoned triathletes. I would have to work on that. And borrow somebody’s mountain bike. But apart from that I’d pretty much dominate. Yep, dominate. Totally.
Seriously, though, check this out- if this isn’t the sickest bike leg of a tri ever invented, I don’t know what is.
3. Cyclocross— ok, so it’s not so much crawling through mud in cyclocross as it is charging through it with a bike slung over your shoulder, but I think it counts. From my understanding, you get yourself a road bike with high-clearance brakes, stick some fat knobbly tires on it, and you’re golden! Well kinda. Then you prepare yourself for an hour’s worth of laps around a contained course full of hills, mud, and barriers that you have to hop over. Some of the hills are pedalable-uppable, but others you have to leap off your bike full tilt and sling it over your shoulder so you can sprint to the top (the remount at the top of those hills looks potentially youchers–one reason I’m glad I’m not a dude). At first the whole thing sounded absolutely 100% bonkers, but the more I look at it the, the less it looks like total mayhem and certain muddy death and looks more like the biggest quad-quaking, lung-raging, heart-bursting rush ever invented. Probably some mud-swallowing in there, too. And still total mayhem. But mayhem I wouldn’t mind trying (and then probs falling on my face HELLA hard, but I do that at least twice a day anyway so why start caring now?) PLUS, there’s a major local cyclocross scene in Bellingham and across the PNW so I wouldn’t have to drive 5 hours to eat dirt that I could be eating at home like I would with Muddy Buddy and Xterra. AND I bet there are hella badass chicks that do cross, which would be cool because I am always searching for badass girls to kick it with.
Tra la laaa la dee dum doodle dooooo, so much sweat and mud to dream about!! Way good.
Ok I gotta shut my peepers so that I can open them again in 8ish hours. So that I can drink coffee. And go on a run. And sew things on shoes. And drink more coffee. And cue the barby with the hometown homies. God my life is rough.
I love you, world, see you in the morning!